Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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