Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
