That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
