It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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