hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now