well you can't waste a boner
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
