Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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