Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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