Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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