Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
