she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
What drink are we having for lunch?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
