You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
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BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
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