And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
