Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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