Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
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You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
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I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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