Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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