areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
