I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
