By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
