So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize