i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
