It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
