Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
