Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
