There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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