my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
