He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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