And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
