Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
