Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
