he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
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I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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