I bet he comes in French.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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