you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
