i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
