I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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