Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
