Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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