he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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