i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
