If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
