I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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