R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
