i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
