I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
