You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
