Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
