My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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