I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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