i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
