i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
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Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
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I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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