You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
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and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
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We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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