so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
How external is "for external use only"?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
