The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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