Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
