At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
