I want to make a zoo with you.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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