I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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