His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
