everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I enjoy the company of your penis
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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