Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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