Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
