He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize