i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
