i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
