I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
