I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
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I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
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Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on